Cheesy crane scenes aside, The Amazing Spider-Man was awesome. Not because it’s an awesome awesome movie, but because Spider-Man 3 is the absolute worst movie of all-time. It made me hate both Tobey Maguire and James Franco. Franco, as an actor, has recovered. Tobey has not (because of SM3 but also because I just hear story after story after story about him being a douche. I’ve never met him. Maybe he’s misunderstood? But the amount of stories and the sources telling them...). I can’t watch anything he’s in without feeling as angry as Black Costume Spider-Man feels at the entire fucking world. So when The Amazing Spider-Man was announced as a reboot, I finally stopped thinking “God damn America and its business-minded simple-mindedness so that instead of creating original movies we just keep remaking everything!” Instead I thought “God Bless America because now I can see a Spider-Man movie that doesn’t have Tobey Maguire!”
Cinema Beans: God Bless America
For the most part, I’ve enjoyed Bobcat Goldthwait’s other films (World’s Greatest Dad, Sleeping Dogs Lie). He’s always had a knack for finding fluidity and social commentary in perverse subject matter, but God Bless America was an insipid mess of a failure. It’s not even a “spectacular mess” like Les Misérables, which at least allows for some overblown admiration. Instead, it’s a boring, one-note, mindnumbingly straightforward experience that caters towards the blowhards in this country who believe they’re alone in hating (to quote myself): “American Idol, Fox News pundits, the cast members of Glee, “God Hates Fags” banner-wavers, Monster energy drink chuggers, frat boys, sorority girls, the entire Kardashian family, loud theater attendees, jocks, twihards, Punk Rock lovers, disc jockeys, Nascar fans,Sweet Sixteen, and Diablo Cody.”
So while people sit around and claim the film to be an almighty declaration against the brainless pop culture circulating through our brains and televisions, God Bless America is actually attacking both sides, pointing out why our beratement of such banality is equally pointless. And the only way Goldthwait seems capable of doing this is contradictory conversation after contradictory conversation and then bloody shooting spree after bloody shooting spree, continually reinforcing the same idea. So as Frank and Roxy are blown away by a SWAT team, the only message Goldthwait really seems be sending is this: we’re all fucked.
God bless America.