MMI: Wrath of the Titans
Wrath of the Titans isn’t boring if you’re mocking it. I know people worked hard on this movie. I feel bad trashing it. It just...off? It’s like...the cereal on the bottom shelf. There really is a difference between Lucky Charms and Marshmallow Treasures. Just something in the texture. Something in the coloration. Something in the taste. Every aspect of Marshmallow Treasures is just a little...more bland. And that’s the sensation I get with Wrath. The characters just...aren’t quite there. The action sequences just...aren’t quite there. The drama just...sucks. Maybe if you completely suspend disbelief you can get into the movie. But...I couldn’t. There’s no concept of time in the movie? How many days have passed? One? Ten? Shouldn’t Sam Worthington be exhausted and have more head trauma than every NFL QB combined? He’s a demi-god, but we’re told he has no powers? So why doesn’t he burst into flames when he approaches the 3-mile tall lava monster? I know, I know, it’s a movie, stop worrying about these things. BUT HOW MUCH MORE EXCITING WOULD IT HAVE BEEN HAD THE MOVIE ADDRESSED THESE CONCERNS? Could you imagine if Sam Worthington had suddenly been incapable of fighting the final battle due to the side-effects of suffering multiple, severe concussions? Or if he couldn’t fly through the stomach of a 3-mile tall lava god because of the heat, so when he got close he had to suddenly turn around and totally reassess his strategy, couldn’t figure one out, and the bad guy ended up destroying everyone. Maybe this isn’t superb “action”. But it makes for one hilarious parody. And, honestly, can you tell me this movie wouldn’t have been better as a parody? If you’re wondering “is he trying to convince me it’s boring?” The answer is no. I’m really just entertaining myself right now, because even writing about Wrath of the Titans bores me.
Cinema Beans: Marley
Is it too much to ask for information beyond the “Bob Marley” Wikipedia page? Jesus, just talking heads not being forced to expel anything remotely relevant about a music legend. It's not a bad movie, but instead a banal and incompetent one. Director Kevin MacDonald has no idea how to engage A) any person with no Bob Marley IQ, and they’re left with bland, surface observations of the famed wailer, or B) Bob Marley aficionados who, come on already, knew all of this shit. I spoke with a young stoner man at a bar once, and beyond a few typical comments about gettin’ hiiiiiigh mannn, we actually held a meaningful discussion about two things I’ve always rolled my eyes at: reggae music and Boby Marley. Dare I say it: this dude taught me more about the beauty of Rastafari and wailing than MacDonald could in 144 mindnumbingly directionless and boring minutes.